Psychology of Touchiness

(Excerpted from Journey to Self Realization - Paramahansa Yogananda)

Mastering the art of not being touchy, of avoiding over-sensitivity, is important in the development of spiritual consciousness. An analysis of the psychology of touchiness shows that is is the result of misunderstanding, inferiority complex, and an ungoverned ego. Sensitiveness expresses itself in a lack of control over the nervous system. A thought of being offended runs through the mind and the nerves rebel against it. In reacting, some persons seethe inwardly with anger or hurt feelings and show no irritation outwardly. Others express their emotions in an obvious and instant reaction in the muscles of their eyes and face - and often in a sharp retort of their tongue as well. In either case, to be touchy is to make oneself miserable, and to create a negative vibration that also adversely affects others. To be able always to spread an aura of goodness and peace should be the motive of life. Even if there is good reason to be excited because of mistreatment, one who instead controls himself in such a situation is master of himself. 

It is a common trait of human beings to be touchy. And when this irrational emotion comes, it blinds the eyes of wisdom. Even though the touchy person may be wrong, he perceives himself as thinking rightly, acting rightly,  feeling rightly. It is when the scales of ignorance fall away from the inner sight that one is able to measure exactly the good points and weak points of oneself and others without the prejudice and intolerance of the emotional ego. One then worships only what is good, and remains transcendentally indifferent to what is psychologically unwholesome.

Many persons thing that they should pity themselves when criticized, and that sensitiveness brings a little relief. But such people are like the opium addict; every time he takes the drug he becomes more steeped in the habit. Be as firm as steel against sensitiveness. Never be touchy or harbor self-pity.

An oversensitive person frequently suffers in vain; generally nobody has any idea that he has a grievance, much less what it is. So he feels further hurt in his self-created isolation. Nothing is accomplished by silently brooding over some perceived offense. It is best to remove by self-mastery the cause that produces such sensitiveness.

In my youth I was very sensitive; and consequently the one who suffered most was myself-it was a process of self-torture. Because I was so sensitive, others seemed to delight in "getting my goat". Your "goat" is your peace; let nobody take away your peace. My discomfiture was not wholly the fault of the taunting of others; it was also the result of my own sensitiveness to their remarks. I found that the more I argued with people who criticized me, the more satisfaction they got. At last, I made up my mind that no one would be able to destroy my peace. I decided "Let them criticize all they want to." I remained indifferent to their unjust barbs, as untouched as if I were dead. They soon lost their enthusiasm to pick on me; and many became my friends and followed me. It is futile to demand kindness and respect from others; you must rather learn to merit it. If you are sincerely kind and respectful to others, and return any courtesy they show to you, you will always be treated respectfully. And do not paralyze the goodwill of others by being touchy when they offer constructive criticism. Cooperate whenever anybody tries to help you.

My master, Swami Sri Yukteswarji, was very strict with me. He watched every nuance of my thoughts and freely corrected me. He was harsh at times, but it was always for my highest good. Many did not survive his sharp discipline; but I did, and words cannot thank him enough for undertaking the task of molding my life with his wisdom. Persons with well developed spirituality can clearly see the faults in others. When a clear sighted well-wisher tries  sincerely to help you, that person should not be looked upon as one who wants to exercise lordship over you, but rather as one who is trying to give you understanding and strength to see and conquer your weaknesses. You should cooperate. Be courteous and kind; and if you start to sink into the mood of touchiness, immediately control yourself. Intelligent people, those possess true understanding, always leave nonunderstanding persons alone. They do not want to waste their time and effort in dissembling with those who have no ears or willingness to hear.

Within my inner heart, I never let myself become touchy. I am at peace with myself. It is when you are not at peace with yourself that you become touchy. This is to be small. To be great is to be big-hearted no matter how others hurt you. That is the way to live. Do not wait until tomorrow; begin today. 

One should be able to control his moods instantly. To let the fire of sensitiveness eat into one's heart, and to keep it smoldering there, will burn away the fibers of inner peace. A wise person controls his sensitivity, knowing that it is nothing but an agency of metaphysical Satan trying to destroy the soul's peace.

When anything distresses you, no matter how you justify your unhappiness, know that you are succumbing to undue sensitivity, and that you must not indulge in it. Sensitiveness is an unspiritual habit, a nervous habit, a peace-destroying habit that takes away your control over yourself and robs you of your happiness. Whenever a mood of sensitiveness visits the heart, its static prevents you from hearing the divine song of healing peace that plays within through the radio of the soul. Whenever sensitiveness appears, try immediately to conquer that emotion.

There is a difference between emotional sensitiveness and spiritual sensitivity. Those who are spiritually sensitive are discriminatingly watchful of their own feelings and are keenly perceptive of the feelings of others, but they remain aloof from the disturbances of psychological impulses - just as butter can float in water and remain unchanged, undiluted, by its surroundings. But touchy sensitiveness is like a ghost that haunts you. It tortures your nervous system and makes you feel that the whole world is full of enemies. The person of extreme sensitivity often foolishly blames other for the hurt he feels; he should try to understand that his hurt is self-inflicted. It is better to blame oneself for being oversensitive than to be angry with others.

Nobody should catch you in a touchy mood. Quietly correct yourself. If necessary, hide yourself in a room away from others until the fever of sensitiveness is gone. The face is the reflector of your inner self, the heart, the source of feelings, is the basis of that reflection. Your face should be an inspiring sermon. Your countenance should be a beacon for others to follow, a lighthouse by which shipwrecked souls can find the way to safety in the harbor of peace.

Your face should be an altar where peace reigns, where God reigns - where all the votaries of psychological goodness assemble to invoke the almighty God of peace and love: "Heavenly Father, bless us that we establish the temple of purity in ourselves - within our hearts, our thoughts, our feelings - that our countenance may be an illuminated altar of Thy peace and love."