Do you constantly or some times get upset with people around you at home or work who are always telling you do things differently: "Why don't you do it this way?  You should not do that."

 

Or do you get upset when things don't go the way you planned them or at least hoped they will happen.

 

You are not alone. It happens to every one. We need to understand that life is full of unexpected things and it is our attitude towards that will make a difference how we handle life. We have a choice: to accept things as they happen or be constantly upset and stressed.

 

Sometimes I feel this is due our 'childlike' attitude which lingers on after we grow up also. As a child we might be used to get things when we request from our parents/elders. Or it may be that you never used to get things the way you wanted and hoped that when you grow up things will change.

 

Either way, we start expecting things to happen the way we want them.

 

I also experienced these emotions and decided to face this by changing my attitude.

 

Example 1: On a particular weekend our family wanted to go to temple. I generally like to visit temple early in the day. I hoped we will all be ready by 9 AM and get started. I got ready by 9 AM and was ready to go. But my wife was delayed and she was not ready. I was upset that things are not going as per my plan. It was 10.30 AM that we started for temple. It so happened that on that particular day going late was a good thing as we were able to attend some special pooja at temple. We would have missed that if we went early that day.

 

Then I thought to myself, it was good that we were late. And I could have avoided getting upset by keeping an open mind approach. I could have been flexible about the timing as there was no hurry and a thought start at 9 AM was just an idea and that has no rules attached to it.

 

Example 2: We all take pride in our work and attached to the way we do the things. When someone makes comments on our work we tend to get upset.

 

Part of our testing project, I prepared a report and showed it to my team. My boss liked it, but someone else made a statement that it is irrelevant and waste of time. He said that doing it was not needed and so on.  When I prepared the report I expected everyone in team also to appreciate it and this unexpected event upset me.

 

With such situations becoming frequent, I decided to develop right attitudes to events. I decided to keep my attitude open minded and flexible. Instead of considering a "different approach" suggested by another person (friend, family member, coworker, boss or any one else) as a suggestion instead of criticism. Nothing is cast in stone and everything can change. Change is a way of life. By being stubborn we may be making things difficult for others as well as ourselves.

 

I made a resolution to myself that I will be flexible and open minded. I have attempted to implement this to my great ability and continue to do this. This made things easier for me and also others. Others are not afraid/hesitant to point a mistake in my work because they know I take action to correct it.  By being flexible to request from family members I have made it a pleasure to share moments instead of rejecting or getting upset about minor expected events.

Just another simple example: I have made it a habit to update my website on 1st of every month and consistently did that for quite sometime. But this particular month, I could not do it on 1st and was delayed. Instead of getting upset about this delay, I decided to take this as a opportunity to learn and eliminate such delays in future. My "deadline" is flexible and there is no point in fretting about it. 

What is flexibility?

How do I know I am flexible? I consider myself flexible, when I constantly find myself doing things which I would have otherwise resisted. When I accept and accommodate unexpected demands from others and take extra time to fulfill their needs. When I experiment with things which I am not used to. When I 'listen actively' to others suggestions without 'rejecting' them before hearing them out. 

Summary

After consciously making effort to be flexible, I have been less stressed out and I can think of many instances where my flexible approach made things easier for me and others. I consider others opinions and suggestions and implement them at the earliest opportunity. Do think about your personal experiences of getting upset. May be you can try this approach and make things better.

To conclude, I have not become an expert in being flexible, but getting good at it with practice. It is not so easy being flexible.