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BE YOURSELF

Kishore C.S. (March 2001)

I am not a HERO.

Watching movie heroes makes everyone feel very proud and we tend to identify ourselves with the hero.

Heroes are

-          Strong (Physical and Mental)

-          Caring

-          Talented

-          Fights Well

In one sense they are portrayed as perfect individual without any weakness and success is his always and he LIVES happily ever after. We get a feeling that we want to be like that. 

In my personal movie of LIFE, I want to be a hero. I want to be perfect and don’t like to project a hero role to everyone who looks at my life. Oh, he is good, he is great and he is successful. This attitude to be a HERO of my life puts lot of stress on me.

 Just because I want to portray the role of Hero to everyone (actually they don’t care much whether I am a Hero or not), I try to build an image of perfection in others by covering my weaknesses, fears and problems.

 I realized this stress is not worth the effort. It is OK not to be a HERO. Everyone has fears, weaknesses and problems. Just ‘BE YOURSELF’. Don’t try to create an image in others to gain their appreciation. People will accept you as you are even if you are weak and have fears.

 It is only after I started writing out my spiritual experiences, that I began to be frank with myself and write down all the fears and problems I carry with me.

 As a normal individual I have my strengths, talents using which I lead me life and I also have my fears and weaknesses which I try to overcome because they effect my well being. They sometimes tend to play a bigger role in how happy I feel and hence I need to be aware of them continuously and overcome whenever possible.  

It is easier to write about talents etc, but difficult to come to terms with fears and weaknesses.

I took sometime to identify my worst fears and weaknesses and following is what came out of my self-examination.

Weaknesses:

Talking too little: I am not a great conversant and participate in discussions only when necessary. This attitude tends to create an impression in others that I am headstrong and don’t talk freely because I feel superior. I found this misunderstanding causes problems and tried to open up a little. But I happen to choose wrong words when I speak and upset them more than when I was silent. So I try to stick to my habit of ‘modest talking’

Anger: I think almost everyone in the world is afflicted with this weakness of becoming angry unexpectedly. I too have this habit and when it comes suddenly many times I find it difficult and regret the situation after sometime. I think it is natural to have Anger but try to control the same whenever possible.

Lack of Concentration: Though I am good in time management and other skills, sometimes I lose focus and tend to do too many things at a time. This results in lack of concentration. I feel like doing a LOT of things. This tendency has been aggravated by the information explosion. When I used to visit libraries, I wanted to read all the books. The same now applies where I want to visit every website name that pops up in front my eyes. I tried to overcome this habit and coined my efforts towards the same in my article Stop that crazy surfing habit. I have succeeded a lot and by being able to focus on priorities, I achieved success. But still I need to improve.

Sensitive to criticism: From childhood I have been sensitive to Criticism and take any minor remarks very close to my heart. I want to be best and anything possible to avoid the criticism in future. But satisfying everyone is also not possible. So I try to distinguish between important criticisms and try to reason what I can do to improve. But the tendency with which I am born remains and keeps popping whenever the occasion comes.

Fears:

First time fears: I am affected a fear which I would term as FIRST TIME FEAR. Anything I take for the first time I have strange fear. It may be fear of failure or feature of doing a mistake etc. Hence I try my best to gather information about the thing I am going to do and try to appease my fears. Example can be I have to go a place where I have not gone before. Then I am afraid I may get lost and don’t find the place easily. I try to overcome this by gathering as much information as possible by talking to people who have gone there. Once I have done a thing first time, next time I do it with full confidence. I think it is Natural for many to have such fear.

Financial Insecurity: This is one of greatest fears that affects everyone. Not having enough money when we need the same. Only solution to overcome this is to have a good bank balance and control one’s expenses. As long as you spend more than what you need to you can get into financial insecurity. But sure this fear is always at back of my mind.

Fear of Death: Though we know death is inevitable everyone of us wants to live forever and with the fond hope that we will live a long time, we carry out our life. This fear will remain forever hidden in our mind, despite all reasoning, I think it is not possible to overcome this fear.

Fear of Pain/Illness: I am afraid of suffering or pain to self or anyone I know of. I get deeply affected when I know someone is suffering from a disease or a problem. Read my views on earthquake on how I felt when I heard about the earthquake and suffering it left. Many times I find myself in a situation where I cannot do much to help them. I even don’t know how to react when someone else is suffering. So I try my best to remain away from pain/suffering and do my best to avoid pain or illness to self and family. But overtime, I have come to realize that Prayer is one method that can be used to lessen pain for self or others and my spiritual efforts is always towards a smooth life for self and everyone I know.

 This is also a lesson I learned many times in watching some good programs on TV. Typically cartoon shows teach lessons to children to be their natural self.  I think it is in the animated movie of Aladdin by Disney that the character tries to show off as a prince to the princess. Finally he is advised to ‘BE HIMSELF’. I still remember this and I try to practice this simple truth of life. But it is so difficult to practice this.

Summary:

When I watch the movies, I get a desire to be a Hero, but being an ordinary individual I have my own weaknesses and fears of which I need to be aware and don’t get carried away the ‘so-called’ heroism. I should try to be MYSELF.